Responding to statements of adolescents

We all remember having heard phrases older that for some reason or another you is we have been recorded (Who has not heard that from 'you who believe, what am Bank Spain? 'when asked for money?).

Often we do not realize the importance of what we hear about. Customs are like folders with information that is recorded in our brain and we there forever so that our central computer uses when necessary.

Phrases adolescents and adolescent parents phrases

The same happens with those phrases we have heard our parents; when we fly at the time of our life we ​​give the interpretation it deserves. Many of them are part of the popular wisdom that part of education that we acquire subliminally and we then is as valid.

Many of us grew up listening to phrases like 'while living in this house you do what I tell' and saying other as 'my parents do not listen to me' or 'you are always against what I say'. There are phrases we said when we were teenagers we'll listen now as parents. This is a great advantage because it assumes that we know something because we've lived, allowing us to properly use our weapons and empathize with this very difficult stage that is adolescence.

What teens feel

It is important that we connect with how we felt when we said those phrases in our adolescent stage. Close your eyes for one second, repeat one of those phrases and try to feel what we felt at that moment ... What happened? We are not again feel the emotion of incomprehension we felt then ?.

Our parents did not listen to us, they wanted to always be right, did not understand what was important to us. Many we realize when we are adults that our parents did the best they could, taking the best they were taught. When we are young we feel that our parents are always against what we say but upon reaching adulthood can come to empathize with what they felt, fear they could feel when faced with the unknown, that world posed him a teenager wanting to be himself.

Because that is one of the main objectives of adolescents: be yourself, become that person who makes a mistake and learn from it, who wants to discover by himself new things, different way to do it.

Tips for improving communication with teenagers

Target parents: listen, not argue, understand and advise our teenage children.

1. First, let's take awareness that listening is hearing more play. What we have to learn is to listen, empathic way to help us connect with emotion, being attentive to what he says and feels our son. We must be patient and paraphrasing what he tells us to confirm that we have understood. Do not forget that for us one of the hardest things is to put our internal radio; It is the hardest work we do.

2. Furthermore, we should never make judgments; we must be aware that constantly make judgments, so we must be aware of it.

3. Nor should we discuss, we must stop interrupting assuming we know what the other is going to say because then we would get to its height, we would be putting our power over him.

4. It is important to confirm that what we understand has to do with what they feel and, finally, always ask if they want our advice and help from our experience.

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Communication and bond with your baby daddy

I am convinced that the language of parents with babies is not the same that mothers have with their children. It is as if they spoke another 'language' between them. The bond of mother and child is created when the child is still in her womb. The link established with the baby's father is later. It not always achieved when the baby is born. Some parents take months to fully connect with your child.

The tenderness of parents with their babies

The bond of mother with her baby is born and reborn at every moment during breastfeeding, diapering, at bedtime, to walk, to take you in my arms. As parents, get along with the baby represents a challenge for them. Parents can not try to be another mom, nor should they. They should be themselves and establish a link with the child in his own way. At the end of the day, caring for a newborn baby it involves not only breast feeding, or have it clean and stimulated. It also requires creating bonding through touch, the game, take to sleep, assist or talk.

It is enriching for the baby that both mother and father to establish a communication channel and a link to it. My husband at first it seemed impossible diapering our daughter or feeding. He learned slowly, but because he wanted to and it proposed. There are parents who do not reach even that. They are afraid staining or 'starve' your little one. Of course, some are very funny. I remember your child to sleep at night, a neighbor dropped her baby in the stroller into the yard and went round and round with little until he fell exhausted and fell asleep.

Parents have a very particular way of connecting with their children. No doubt many of them are more resourceful, more creative and less fearful than us. Parents are very particular on these issues, especially when the baby is still very small. Some only get to interact with their children from 6 months when the baby already holding the head and begins to babble.

However, times change and it shows that today more parents are involved in caring for your baby. No matter if we believe they do right or wrong. What matters is that they try, to the extent that there are parents who, incredible as it may seem, take better care of their babies than mothers. There are parents who run it great! It may not go well with them how to dress the baby, but to take a walk, the pediatrician or to day care, they are given great. Suggest adventures, entertain while eating to soothe bedtime or reading a story, also I do very well with some. Not sure if it for that, but the first word is often say babies 'daddy'.

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Good communication in the family

Of course, there is a basic rule to improve communication in a family. Each family is a different world and has a unique language. However, there should be, as a way to improve communication, will, interest, and availability, by the parents, that this space is created and lived intensely, as far as possible. If what they want is a united family, the best way, the most successful way, it is communication.

6 Tips to foster communication between parents and children

1. Notes the type of communication that you hold with your child. He spends a few days of observation, judgment and guilt free. It works very well connect a recorder in usual times of conflict or family overload. It is a healthy exercise but sometimes difficult to accept conclusions when the harsh reality of ideal performance exceeds all expectations.

2. Active listening and reflectively each of the interventions of your children. Rate extent deserve priority over the task you are doing; in any case, our response must be correct enough not to underestimate their need for communication.

3. Pay attention to your children's requests. If we can not pay the necessary attention at the time, reason with him a postponement of the communicative act later. We can say simply: Give me 10 minutes and I am immediately with you. Recall after thanking his patience and ability to wait.

4. Responds in different ways. Avoid the use of the same type of responses systematically so that our child does not think we're always authoritarian, do you feel guilty, that we take importance to things or give sermons.

5. Leave the blame aside. If parents until now have not been a model as communicators, we think we can improve and adapt to a new form of communication that will reverse in a good for our family, relaxing or even extinct many of the usual conflicts with children.

6. Change or improvement towards more open communication. It is advisable to establish a testing time, as a week or a weekend, to assess whether it works and whether we should change something else. Parents have entrenched habits and behavior change requires effort, dedication and, above all, patience (with ourselves!).

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The dialogue in the family

How parents can communicate with their children? Theoretically it seems easy, but in practice a dialogue with children is a task that is accomplished since they are very small. There are parents who, with the best of intentions, seek to create a climate of dialogue with their children and try to verbalize absolutely everything.

This attitude can easily lead parents to become interrogators or preachy, or both. Thus, they will not be on the right track to the family dialogue. Listen, many times, it is the most recommended way.

4 Tips for dialogue and listen to the children

1. Parents who only verbalize, children end up not listen or escape evasively. In these cases, the dialogue with the monologue and communication with teaching confused. Silence is a key element in the dialogue. It gives time to the other to understand what is said and what is meant. A dialogue is an interaction and to be possible, it is necessary that silences allow the involvement of all participants.

2. Along with the silence is the ability to listen. Some people make their presentations and give their opinions without listening to others. When that happens, the caller realizes another indifference towards him and eventually lose motivation for the conversation. This situation is what often occurs between parents and children. The former believe that the latter have nothing to teach them and they can not change their opinions. just listen to their children or, if they do, is a questioningly in a watertight position on the content of the arguments of the children. This situation is common with teenagers. This is one of the most frequent errors in the parent-child relationship: the belief that a speech can change a person.

3. Let the children speak. Through dialogue, parents and children are better known, mostly known their views and their ability to verbalize feelings, but never the information obtained through a conversation will be more extensive and important than the acquired coexistence. For this reason, it transmits and coexistence educates more than verbalizing the values that are to instill. On the other hand, any dialogue must accommodate the possibility of replication. Predisposition to collect another argument and admit that it can not match the befits one of the basic conditions for the dialogue to be viable. If we start from different levels of authority, there will be no dialogue.

4. Show security. The ability to dialogue is referenced security itself having each of the partners. Keep in mind that the family is a point of principal reference for children and young people: it can learn to dialogue and, in this capacity, promote important attitudes such as tolerance, assertiveness, dialectical skill, the ability to admit mistakes and to tolerate frustration.

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Parenting styles and communication

What kind of parent you think you are? Depending on the words we address children can communicate an attitude of listening or, conversely, ignorance and neglect.

According to the psychologist K. Steede analyzes in his book The ten most common of parents and how to avoid mistakes, there is a type of parents based on answers they provide their children and that result in closed talks calls, those in which no no place for the expression of feelings or, if any, they are denied or underestimated.

What kind of parent are

1. Authoritarian Parenting 
- They fear losing control of the situation and use orders, shouting or threats to force the child to do something.
- They have very little account of the needs of the child.
- Parents who make children feel guilty.
- Parents concerned (consciously or unconsciously) that your child knows that they are smarter and have more experience.
- Parents who use negative language, misrepresenting the actions or attitudes of their children.
- Parents who use comments like 'do not run, you fall you', 'you see, as I told you so, that Meccano tower was too high and would fall' or 'you're an incorrigible messy'. They are seemingly neutral phrases that all parents use ever.

2. Parents understate things
- Parents who downplay the problems of children, especially if they really think that their problems are nothing compared to yours.
- Parents who make comments like '! Bah, do not worry, sure tomorrow ye turn to be friends' 'will not be that bad, surely approve, wearing preparing you all week', intended to immediately reassure a child or young in the middle of a conflict. But the result is an almost immediate rejection of the adult, who perceived little or no receptive to listening.

3. Parents Speakers
- Parents who make the word 'you should, the most commonly used in situations' conference or sermon'.
- Parents who talk a lot but do not give examples in their attitudes.

Finally, we must mention the number of situations where communication is synonymous with silence (paradoxically). In the life of a child, as in anyone, there are times when the most appropriate relationship goes through the company and the silent support. Before a sermon father is preferable, sometimes a pat on the back full of complicity and affection, an attitude that shows availability and, at the same time, respect for the pain or negative sentiment felt by the other.

Source consulted:
- Ministry of Education and Culture-Spain

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The language of parents and children

Language is the first system of signals used by the baby to relate to their environment and to learn from his surroundings. From the earliest age, the child learns to identify sounds and their meaning, and even distinguish the tone with which it is spoken. By nine months, the baby knows if their parents are angry or if you are treated with love and affection.

The verbal stimulation baby

Babies learn to talk during their first two years of life making learning both ways. On the one hand, his vocal apparatus testing how to make new sounds with the tongue, mouth, palate, lips and any new tooth to appear on your gums learn how it works.

On the other, the bond with their parents and communication with them is the key to transforming these sounds go into meaningful words and then sentences.

The mastery of language is essential to the learning of literacy previous step and is a way to become aware of everything that is learned from the environment in which we live. Besides the language, the child also uses other mechanisms to demonstrate, that allow you to contact others: gestures, looks, facial expressions ...

These elements reveal attitudes, feelings, biases and motivations, allowing a transcendent interpersonal communication.

Verbal and gestural languages

From the first moments of life, the baby captures the intensity of affection, appreciate if you hold or hug him; values ​​the affective tone look adult when about a toy.

This also occurs among adults and among members of a family people. Language is social and is limited by the knowledge of each. The symbols are personal and inexhaustible. The possibility of combining both languages ​​(verbal and gestural) communication means.

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10 Errors of communication in the family

When a member of a family gets home, you can receive a message of comfort or tension without the need to look at the face of the rest of the family. That usually happens with more frequency the closer the relationship in people, since in these cases more important will that be more evident perception and nonverbal communication. Sometimes, the lack of dialogue is a serious limitation to communication.

Many times, the rush of parents to receive some information, prevents them know the opinion of their children and, similarly, prevents your children realize the openness and willingness to listen to parents. The above situation is especially important in adolescence. Are multiple situations where parents are curious about what the children and these, in a situation of need, respond evasively.

Climate to create a good family communication

Another impediment to communication is the impatience of some parents to educationally influence the behavior of their children. All the educational process goes through the relationship established parents and children, and this is supported by the communication; why it is so important to preserve and maintain the joy of enjoying it. It is sufficient that parents do not want to always be right and is not convinced that communicate face.

Family life also has clear enemies to establish conversations and interpersonal relationship. The TV in the food, schedules that hinder the relaxed meeting, commuting weekend ... We must fight against these situations and adopt an attitude of resistance causing a climate that facilitates communication.

Errors that impede communication in the family

Generalizations

1- You're always sticking your sister, never obey. Surely, at some point, it does something other than beating his sister. Possibly ever it is known has itself obey.

2- Judgment of the messages that you receive: Mother, when the father comes from the street, says: It seems that arrive later today. The father replies: What ?, other days came before ?. You're always aware of the time that I come!

3- not listening to understand what they really mean others.

4- Discussions about the version of something that happened long ago. Why give so much importance to events already past?

5- Establishing labels. Always avoid cataloging the same way situations or similar behaviors, recalling a point acontemiento.

6- Application of conflicting objectives. If once you thought well, it prevents the next is upside down.

7- The place and time we choose. Choose a good time or place can encourage family communication.

8- Exposure of questions full of reproaches. Reproaches hinder good communication.

9- modes of expression. The abuse: You should, I should do; instead of: do you think if ... Maybe it suits you, I want to do, I agree, I decided.

10- Cortes in conversation. more attention is paid to what you want to say that to listen to others.

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